I am so very tired. It has been easier for me to get out of bed these last few mornings, but I am still plagued with the desire to crawl back under the covers and just sleep and sleep.
I know what all of this means--the fatigue, the irritability, the cravings for sweets and comfort food, the piles of unfinished work, the out of control overwhelmed feeling. I am suffering from serious overstress. I went to one of my favorite Web sites, www.teachhealth.com, and calculated my stress level to get a benchmark. I've gotten really into benchmarks--putting numbers on things and measuring them. According to this quiz, a score of 250 or above indicates overstress. My score was 365. Help!
I decided that the first thing I could do is reset my body clock. At least it would get me out of bed in time to get through the morning without running around like a crazy woman. Interestingly enough, I've found it to be just as difficult to get to bed between 9:30 and 10:00 p.m. as it is to get up before 6:00 a.m. I'm beginning to realize that I stress myself out by telling myself that I must stay up to complete a task, figure something out, finish a conversation. I have so much work to do, so many problems to solve. I fixate on this and tell myself that my to do list is more important that getting proper rest. The funny thing is, for all that, so much seems to get left undone.
I can't help remembering one of the last things you said. Someone told me that you kept asking if you had done enough, that you seemed so concerned that you hadn't done enough. I thought at the time that you were being ridiculous. Of course, you'd done enough. We all wanted to reassure you that you had, indeed, done enough. Maybe you didn't feel that your work in our world was complete, and maybe it wasn't. It's okay. We all leave unfinished work behind.
But what on earth am I to do with my overstress? I thought I had been doing so well, and now I am haunted by piles of unopened mail, piles of laundry (clean and dirty). I can think of only one thing--share it. I can't be the only one stressed out these days, not with the economy going to pieces. With the unemployment rate over 8 percent, I know I am not alone when I feel the screws tightening. Also, unlike past times of intense overstress, I feel certain that I'm going to have to live with this for a long time. A Snickers bar might get me through a stressful afternoon, but what about getting through a stressful year?
I'm starting with resetting my body clock. I'm going to bed between 9:30 and 10:00 p.m. and getting up a little before 6:00 a.m. It might seem small, but it means a lot. When I go to bed, I like to have the dishes done, one or two junk piles cleared away, and clothes picked out for the next day. Knowing I've completed these small tasks frees my mind. When faced with overwhelming problems to solve, taking care of the small stuff means a lot.
I'm sure you find this all so tedious, but it makes me feel closer to you. If you were here, you'd want to help me. Perhaps one of the comforts of Heaven is knowing that you can inspire those you left behind.