1,000 Days of Piano - Day 74: Ego

I had the opportunity to play for a group, which for me is a giant exercise in humility. I walk a tightrope of perfectionism, chasing the flawless performance. I love to play, and I love playing well,   but it when it comes to performing, I’m just hoping I don’t mess up too badly. Worst of all it shows...in the concentration etched on my brow and the determined set of my jaw. And it doesn’t help that I’m still learning the music.
When I’m alone and practicing, I sometimes manage a decent performance. When I have an audience, I am seeking their praise. It is vainglory, I am ashamed to say, that drives my perfectionism.

Making music is supposed joyous and creative. I don’t know about other musicians, but for me, I can only find inspiration in the letting go of my quest for the impeccable performance. Mistakes are irrelevant. The only thing that matters is my focus, my inspiration, and my joy. It is the ability to release my vanity and ego rather than my ability to play that counts.

1,000 Days of Piano - Day 73: Working Ahead

I am working ahead. For the past couple of weeks, I’ve been creating two blog posts a day (mostly). I’m gearing up for my annual end of summer cleaning bender, I’ll be traveling to places that will not likely have pianos available to practice on, and I have a super woman complex that prohibits practically any relaxation ever. So, I’m working ahead.
I was inspired to record the first four pieces of Book 2, just to get in the habit of playing them consecutively. I went on to record the fifth piece, which had a number of mistakes in it. In the spirit of accepting the first take, I know I should use it. In life you can’t undo all the conversations you had before some kind soul told you that you had spinach stuck between your teeth. All you can do is rush to the bathroom, fix yourself, and move forward. But this is my creation, and I get to decide whether to reveal myself in all my imperfection or to put my best foot forward. In any case, I am still working ahead.