1,000 Days of Piano - Day 74: Ego

I had the opportunity to play for a group, which for me is a giant exercise in humility. I walk a tightrope of perfectionism, chasing the flawless performance. I love to play, and I love playing well,   but it when it comes to performing, I’m just hoping I don’t mess up too badly. Worst of all it shows...in the concentration etched on my brow and the determined set of my jaw. And it doesn’t help that I’m still learning the music.
When I’m alone and practicing, I sometimes manage a decent performance. When I have an audience, I am seeking their praise. It is vainglory, I am ashamed to say, that drives my perfectionism.

Making music is supposed joyous and creative. I don’t know about other musicians, but for me, I can only find inspiration in the letting go of my quest for the impeccable performance. Mistakes are irrelevant. The only thing that matters is my focus, my inspiration, and my joy. It is the ability to release my vanity and ego rather than my ability to play that counts.